This past Sunday night I was online and saw this guy’s name appear on the buddy list as being online. I sent him an instant message and he responded... I said I had answered his response to my ad but hadn't heard back from him. He asked me to refresh his memory and I told him I was the guy looking to give a non-reciprocal blowjob. He said, “Now I remember.” And he also remembered that I said I couldn’t host and would travel. Conversation went back and forth for about a half an hour and after some. I told her I'm alright to go in alone, and she was persistent saying that she knew the doctor. Reluctantly, I followed her to the room.As I entered the room, I realised the doctor was a woman - I had already decided that maybe I wasn't going to mention the lump. So I continued to explain the stomach symptoms. She laid me down on the bed and lifted my shirt up to feel my stomach. She gave me some sedatives and told me to see how it all goes. As I got up to leave, she asked if there was anything. I’m sorry if this sounds petty and spiteful, but you’re asking me to do something that will hurt me, destroy what I’ve been able to rebuild of my life and block me from recovering so that the people that destroyed me won’t be sad. Either I’m missing something or I need to go to Donald’s tonight and risk playing hopscotch on that balcony. Which is it?”“Beck’s talking about hurting herself,” Mom said quietly. “She said she deserved to die.”I was shaking I was so mad. “What did we JUST finish. ‘I was going to say that I wondered if me getting married would change things between us. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.’ How could she be sorry for doing nothing? I sobbed again, one of those sobs that rack you like a child’s sobs do with dry eyes. My head fell forward and then tears fell onto the pale blue of my dress. Why does water show so clearly on pale blue? I half pulled myself together and took another cigarette from Tippi’s pack and lit it. I waited for her to tell me off.
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